Carter (The Harlow Brothers Book 1) Read online

  He chuckles as he snaps back with, “You say that now. But you forget. I know you and sooner or later, you’ll run away again like you always do. It’s only a matter of time.”

  His words hit a nerve, but I close my eyes remembering what Caden said to me. I know he’s drunk. I know he’s upset and hurting. So instead of proving him right, I stay where I am. I kick off my flip flops, and place my other leg up on the bed sitting cross-legged. “A lot has changed in thirteen years, and I’m not going anywhere, Carter.” I watch as he crosses his arms, and try not to drool as his biceps bulge. I clear my throat, and I don’t miss his smirk as I ask, “What happened today? I know I wasn’t the only one to drive you to drink.”

  “Why should I tell you? Not only have you forgotten what friendship means, you literally gave me the cold shoulder. So please excuse me if I don’t want to bare my soul to you.”

  “Okay, you want to be difficult, fine. But for once, can you please put yourself in my shoes? You have no idea how much your words hurt me back then and yes, I know it’s been a long time, but just remembering how you told me I meant nothing to you anymore still fucking hurts.” I can’t help but get angry at him. He doesn’t have a fucking clue what those words did to me. They shattered me. They broke me into a million tiny little pieces. He was my world, my everything, and in one second, he destroyed everything we had and everything we shared. We stare at each other for a moment before he finally looks away. I don’t want to place the blame solely on him, but he needs to wake up and see I’m here now. That I’m here for him.

  “I am sorry, Shel.” He rubs his face with is hands, and he groans out loudly. I pick at my nails, hoping he doesn’t see what that sexy groan does to me. I start to feel … antsy. “Shelby?” I glance back up at him, and seeing the hurt and regret in his eyes makes my chest hurt for him. “I never wanted to hurt you. I know I fucked up, and I really can’t blame you for not wanting to see me, but you have to realize it almost killed me seeing you today. It hit me all of a sudden that I didn’t have my best friend anymore, and it made me realize how much I’ve missed having you in my life.” He clenches his jaw as he adds, “I never knew how lost I really was until today. Seeing you again, it was as if someone tossed a bucket of ice cold water on me. It made me see how many mistakes I’ve made, and how I can never take any of it back.” I watch him with wide eyes as he moves closer to me, and swallow hard as he takes my hand. My heart is beating rapidly, and my face flushes.

  I glance down at his hand on mine, and I still can’t believe how much his touch affects me. If anything, my body is reacting much stronger than it had before, and I realize how much I’ve missed this. His warm touch on my skin. The way my body seems to call out to him for more. I’ve missed him comforting me even when he’s the one who needs it. I glance up at him, and he’s gazing at our hands together. Maybe he does miss it too, not just our friendship. “Carter?”

  He glances at me, gazes into my eyes, and says softly, “If I could take it back I would. If I could go back in time, I would’ve never let you leave. I would’ve changed so much, but I can’t. All I can do is tell you how sorry I am. I’ve never regretted anything as much as not having you in my life.” I blink quickly, trying to keep my tears from falling. I know he means every word he’s saying. I can tell he’s sincere, and it pains me knowing I wasn’t there for him. “I don’t expect things to go back to normal between us.” He looks away but quickly looks back. He squeezes my hand as he says, “I’m hoping we can start over, and get to know one another as we are now. I miss my best friend, Shel. I miss us.”

  Taking in his words, I really think it over. A part of me wants to say yes. I would love nothing more than to have my other half back, but there’s also another part of me that’s afraid. I don’t know if I can be anything but friends. I don’t know if I have anything else to give him. “I don’t know, Carter. I want us to be friends again, but I don’t know if I can give anything else.”

  He nods, but I can tell my words hurt him. He masks it quickly and says, “Honestly, I’ll take what I can get. I’m not asking you to do anything other than what you can. As long as you’re here, I’m okay with that.” He reluctantly takes his hand off mine, and I almost protest, but it’s better this way. Friendship I can do. He moves to get off the bed, and I watch him with curious eyes. “I’m just going to throw on a shirt.” When he fully stands, he sways and blinks his eyes.

  “Maybe I should get one for you?”

  “No. I’ve got it. That first step was a doozy though.” I laugh loudly and he smiles, shaking his head. He rubs the back of his neck and makes his way to his closet. I stare after him, and notice he has a tattoo on his back. I try to take it all in before he disappears into his walk-in closet. From what I could tell, it’s a heart with a sword through the top. I bite on my nail as I wonder what the barbed wire wrapped around it means. I also noticed how the heart was bleeding. I can’t help but wonder what it symbolizes. I move my hand from my mouth, when Carter reemerges with a gray shirt on. He looks at me, and I see him sigh. Did he think I was going to leave? “Do you want anything to drink?”

  “I’m fine.” I move to the headboard and nod to the spot beside me. He quickly makes his way beside me, getting comfortable. I turn and ask, “You want to tell me about what happened with your parents?”

  “I think I need another drink before I start with that.”

  “I think you’ve had enough for one night.” I snicker when he gives me a ‘what the fuck’ look.

  “I’ve missed hearing your laugh. I’m glad you came back, and you came over tonight. Even if I was being an ass to everyone.”

  My smile fades at the direction of his words. “I am too and you were a complete dick, but I forgive you.” I scoot down, turning to my side as I pull his pillow under my head.

  He grins as he watches me. “Getting comfortable?”

  “I can’t help it. Your bed is comfy, and it’s just like old times.” It does remind me of the times I would come over to his house, and we would lay in bed just like this, talking for hours. I hadn’t realized how much I’ve missed being with him. Even if we’re just friends again, I’m enjoying his company and it’s not as painful knowing he’s sorry for the things he’s said or done. I might not be able to completely forgive him, but I know we’ll get there. “Are you sobering up? Cause if you’re feeling sick I’ll go grab you a trash can.”

  “No I’m good, surprisingly.” He gets comfortable and moves to his side to look at me and talk. I push the butterflies in my stomach away as he stares into my eyes. “Tell me about South Carolina.”

  “What do you want to know?” I don’t miss how he knows that’s where I went but then again, he knew I’d been accepted to the University of South Carolina, too.

  “What was it like there?”

  I have to tread carefully talking about this with him. I don’t want him to know about my past with Easton. “It was different. Don’t get me wrong, it was beautiful there and I loved all my professors, but it wasn’t home.”

  “I know the feeling. I felt the same way being in Massachusetts.” I don’t ask about his time at Harvard Law. That time is still raw since that’s where he was when he pushed me away. Instead, we steer clear of things that might upset us. I tell him about my degree and how much I enjoyed my job. He tells me about the firm and how he’s worried about taking over once his Dad retires. Carter does most of the talking, and I soak up everything he tells me like a sponge. He talks about Bethany a lot, and I try not to let it bother me. I’m not sure why the thought of him with her brings out my jealousy, but I push it down trying to not think of it. He does say over and over how they’re just friends, and I like knowing he’s trying to reassure me. It seems we talk forever, and I find I’m enjoying it. A lot actually. I’ve missed just talking to him and being near him. I’ve also missed his gentle and caring nature. I realize the more he talks, the more I forget about my demons and the past I have. It’s still there, but with him, he makes i
t bearable.

  We both look to the door when we hear a loud knock. Caden sticks his head in, and when he sees us on the bed, he slings the door open, runs to the bed shouting, “SLUMBER PARTY!” I try to move out of his way, but he lands on one of my legs, and I can’t help but laugh as I hold onto it.

  “Caden! What the hell?” I’m still laughing as Carter scolds him like a child.

  “What? I wanted to join the fun.”

  “Yeah, but you landed on Shelby.” Carter pushes Caden, and when he almost falls off the bed, I have to hold my side from laughing so hard.

  Tears fill my eyes at the look on Caden’s face as he stands on the bed and declares, “Oh you’re going down for that!” He jumps again, landing right on top of Carter. I decide to move before any more damage is done to my body, and stand by the bed as they wrestle like kids. They continue for a while fighting, and I know someone is about to get angry. Caden has Carter in a head lock and his face is turning red, but Carter isn’t giving up.

  They punch and slap each other, and I chuckle when Carter yells out when Caden bites him on the arm. Apparently Caden doesn’t play fair. Cason walks into the room, and he rolls his eyes seeing them roughing each other up. Cason looks to me, nods, then starts to pull them off each other. He grabs Caden, yanking him off the bed. I cover my mouth with my hand, trying to hold in my laughing when Caden almost falls. He catches himself on Cason and by the look on his face, he’s not happy about it.

  “Dammit, Cas. You almost made me bust my ass.”

  “Serves you right! You bit me!” Carter yells.

  Cason sighs as Caden yells back, “You shouldn’t have started something you couldn’t finish then.” I slowly get back to my spot on the bed as Carter and Caden argue. I don’t miss Cason raising his eyebrow at me, but I choose to ignore it. He can think whatever he wants.

  “Alright, Caden. We all get it. You won. Say he won Carter, so he’ll shut the fuck up.”

  Carter narrows his eyes at Cason, then inspects the huge bite mark on his arm. “You won, but just wait. Tomorrow your ass is mine.”

  “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, old ass.”

  “Caden, why can’t you just take the win and call it a night?” I can tell Cason is getting frustrated with his twin. It’s hilarious seeing them all together again, acting just like they used to, but it’s bittersweet knowing Clark and Caleb aren’t here to join the show.

  “Truce?” Carter asks Caden.

  “Truce. By the way, you need to call Bethany soon. She was livid, and then she burnt rubber in your driveway leaving.” I look down hearing her name again. I can only guess what she thinks of me, and I know it’s not filled with compliments. Her words replay in my mind again, and I start to feel the guilt creeping in. Funny how people’s words have the power to drag us down when we felt so happy before.

  I move to leave thinking it’s time for me to go home, but Carter reaches over and grabs my hand. “Where are you going? It’s movie time, and I’ll deal with Bethany later. She’s just butt-hurt.”

  “You want to watch a movie this late?” I ask.

  “I’m down for a movie. What are we watching? I’ll make the popcorn,” Caden states, and I can’t take my eyes off Carter’s pleading eyes.

  “Alright, but I get to pick the movie,” I say and Caden squeals like a girl, then rushes out of the room. I glance at Cason and ask, “Is he alright?”

  “I have no idea. I think Mama dropped him on his head more than the rest of us.”

  I grin, and when Cason leaves the room, I realize Carter has yet to take his hand off mine. He rubs his thumb back and forth on the back of my hand, and all those emotions I felt years ago with him come flying back. It scares me at how intense they are, and how they’re stronger than ever. I swallow, and quickly take my hand out of his. I see a flash of hurt in his eyes, but I can’t dwell on it. “I’m going to help Caden.” I don’t wait for his reply. I leave his hypnotizing gaze. I make my way to the kitchen to help Caden, trying so very hard to keep my heart from leaping out of my chest. Damn Carter, and his gentle touch.

  I massage the back of my neck, feeling the sudden tension building. Probably not the best move to touch Shelby like I had so soon, but dammit I couldn’t help myself. There’s just this force pulling me to her. I can’t deny seeing her here, knowing she’s going to try and give our friendship another shot thrills me unlike anything I’ve known before. Granted, I would love if it was more than just a friendship, but I know she’s not ready for that. I didn’t miss the fear in her eyes as I told her I missed her, but I’m determined more than ever to get her back where she needs to be. I feel as though I’m having to start all over with her again, but I’ll do whatever’s necessary to have her in my arms once more.

  I get off the bed, thankful I’m somewhat more sober than before. Shelby helped me a lot with the sobering up and if she hadn’t come over, I’d probably still be drinking. Which reminds me, I need to clean up my mess. I quickly race to the bathroom and grab a towel. I place the half empty bottle on the bedside dresser, and bend down to clean up the mess on the floor. It doesn’t take long to soak up the alcohol, and once I toss the towel in the hamper, I make my way to find where Shelby went. My heart races thinking she might have left. Walking into the kitchen, I see her and Caden talking as the popcorn pops in the microwave. I sigh in relief seeing her, and when she glances at me then blushes, I can’t help but grin back. My stomach takes a dive when she smiles at me, and I make myself walk into the living room. I can’t slip up and touch her again. She’s very skittish, and I’m afraid she’ll bolt at any moment.

  One way or another, I’ll make her see I’m not letting her go anywhere now that she’s back.

  I take a seat by Cason on the couch as I wait on Caden and Shelby to finish with the popcorn. Cason lays the remote on the armrest and turns to me. I had a feeling he would have something to say, and I hope he doesn’t say something I don’t want to hear. “So, you and Shel good now?”

  “I guess you could say that.” I glance back into the kitchen, making sure Shelby can’t hear me as I say, “It’s complicated. She’s down for us being friends again, but I want more than that.” I’ll always want more with her.

  “I figured as much. Just take it slow. We all see how much of a flight risk she is right now. And you know something happened to her, right?”

  I nod, knowing what he’s talking about. “Yeah. She’s definitely keeping something hidden.” I pause, thinking of how she wouldn’t really open up about her time in South Carolina. All that time there, but she had nothing to say? I don’t buy it. Not to mention the new scar on her lip, and how her blue eyes have lost some of the fire I once loved to gaze at. “But one way or another, I’ll get her to talk to me about it. And you’re right. I have to be patient.” I look right at Cason as I confess, “I can’t lose her again.”

  He clenches his jaw and says, “I know. I’m not the best person to help, but I’ll do whatever I can to make sure she doesn’t leave.” I don’t question what he means, but I know he’ll do what he says. I nod, but I don’t respond.

  Caden and Shelby finally make their way into the living room. Caden takes a seat with a bowl of popcorn on the recliner, and Shelby hesitates before sitting down by me with another bowl. She hands me the bowl, and Cason shoves his whole hand into the bowl making some spill over. “Seriously, man?”

  He cups his hand, and tosses the popcorn in his mouth as he says, “What?” It comes out more as ‘wuf’ and I just shake my head.

  I turn to Shelby seeing she’s smiling again. I stare at her longer than I should, but I’ve missed seeing her smile. “What movie do you want to watch?”

  “I’m not sure. Where’s your movies?” I point to my movie collection, and she goes to pick one. I honestly had no intentions of watching a movie tonight, but when I noticed she froze and was getting ready to leave, it was the first thing I could think of to make her stay. Which reminds me I need to thank Caden for being on board wit
h a last minute movie night. I watch her intently knowing she can’t see me, as she looks over the section of horror movies. I know she’s a horror movie buff, and over the years I’ve added a lot to my collection. I don’t really care for them, but just knowing she loves them made me want to have them. Even when we were apart, I still bought them when a new one would release.

  “Don’t you dare pick Child’s Play,” Caden proclaims, and I turn and throw popcorn at him. Shelby turns around with a wicked grin, and I already know which one she chose. “I’m serious, Shel. That damn doll scares the shit out of me.”

  I watch as she rolls her eyes and says, “Stop being such a chicken.”

  “Yeah Caden, stop being such a chicken,” Cason chimes in with a monotone voice.

  “Call me a chicken one more time!” I laugh at how serious Caden is about being called a chicken. You would think someone called him a dick, or an asshole.

  Shelby turns around and puts the movie in the DVD player, and makes her way back to me. I hand her the popcorn bowl, and we lock gazes as our hands brush over each others. She blushes and quickly looks away, but it’s just a boost for me. She’s still affected by me, and that’s all I need to know to carry out my plan.

  Slow and easy. I repeat the words a few times to be sure I remember them.

  I watch her as she pulls her legs up beside her, and I find I like seeing her getting comfortable on my couch. I know I should be interested in the movie that’s starting to play, but I can’t take my eyes off her. I stare as she slowly eats her popcorn and, something so simple shouldn’t be so fucking erotic.

  It is because it’s Shelby doing it.

  I shake my head, and pull my gaze from her when I hear Caden groan out loudly and say, “Oh come on! I asked you not to pick this movie! Now I won’t be able to sleep worth a shit.” I chuckle as does everyone else knowing Caden’s so full of it.