Addiction Page 3

  Looking around the room, while I think, I really start to question my morals. Can I do this? More to the point, does Kendra think I’m a … submissive, too? Honestly, I have no idea what that term even means, but maybe, she’s right. She was right about bringing me here, so maybe, this will bring me closer to finding out what it is that I’m looking for.

  Since we arrived, I’ve felt more like myself, than I have my entire life. Then, there is something deep down, telling me to go with it. It’s like a nagging thought you can’t put your finger on, but you know it’s there, giving subtle hints.

  “Are you sure this is a good idea? I don’t want this to make things weird between us.”

  “Can you please just take my word for it?” She asks, placing a hand on my bare shoulder. “I wouldn’t have asked, if I thought for one second, that you weren’t up for it. Plus, I trust you, and I know you need this, just as much as I do.”

  “What’s the verdict?” Weston asks with a commanding voice, as he reaches us.

  Kendra looks at me with hope in her eyes, as Weston makes me feel as if I should look away. And I do, because it feels right to do so. Maybe, I should stop thinking with my head, and for once, go with what my instincts are telling me. Sucking in a deep breath, I decide to go with my instincts.

  “Yes.”

  With Weston leading the way, I follow behind Kendra, as my nerves reach an all-time high. It’s shocking and a bit alarming at how fast my heart races just thinking about what I’m about to witness. Kendra said she was a submissive, and she must think I’m one, too. Maybe, I am, and maybe, this is the key to figuring out what I need to make this void go away and stay away. I’ll have to remember to Google what a submissive is later.

  As we walk through double doors, two security guards nod, letting us pass. We enter a long hallway with doors lined up on both sides. Weston said there are twenty rooms here, so it makes sense to have ten on one hall, and the other ten on a different one. I only figure this out, because we have to go through another set of double doors, before we reach room thirteen. I’m not surprised to see another guard, standing by the door, and he lets us inside, after Weston verifies the accommodation. Considering the type of club we’re in, the security is a nice reassurance.

  As I follow behind Kendra, my eyes take in the room, as we walk inside. It’s a fairly big room with a king size bed with metal rails, a leather chair to the side, and various items that I’ve never seen before. They’re lined on the wall, and I wonder what they’re used for. The walls are a dark gray, while the wood floor is a dark brown color. The room has the same vibe and feel as the other side of the club does. It screams sex, and a promise of something enjoyable.

  “Trixie,” Weston calls out with that demanding voice, and I snap my head towards him. It’s hard to fight the impulse to look away, but I hold his gaze. “You’ll sit there,” he says, as he points to the leather chair. I quickly make my way over to it, and then sit down. Sitting up straight, I keep his gaze, as he asks, “Do you have any questions, before we begin?”

  “The bracelets. What do they signify?”

  He slowly walks closer to me, and I tense, wondering what he’s doing. “Each one has its own meaning. Yours is red because you have no affiliation yet.” With my frown, he explains, “You’re undetermined of what you are. Are you a submissive, or are you a Dominant? Once you decide, you’ll either get a white bracelet to show everyone here that you’re a sub, or the black, which means you’ve chosen Dominant.” I clench my jaw, feeling my heart race, as he walks circles around me. I’m not sure, if he’s doing this on purpose or what, but he’s making me nervous. “The other band is the braided black and white ones that show you’re in a Dom/sub relationship.”

  Swallowing down the lump in my throat, I ask, “What is a Dominant?”

  “That’s what I’m going to show you,” he claims in my ear, and I jump. I had no idea he was so close, and although Weston is handsome, I feel no attraction to him whatsoever. “Relax, Trixie,” he says softly, placing a hand on my shoulder. I’m not surprised that I follow the command. I’m getting used to it, since it’s happened a lot recently. “You’re only here to watch. I don’t share Kendra, and she doesn’t share me either.”

  As soon as those words leave his mouth, I instantly relax completely. I know Kendra said I would be watching, but now that Weston has said it again, it makes me feel less awkward around him. “You are not to leave this spot. Do you understand?” I nod, but that only earns me a pinch on my shoulder. I snap my head towards the stinging pain, as Weston claims, “Words, Trixie. Use your words, because in this room, they’re very much needed. So, I’ll ask once more. Do you understand?”

  “Yes. Yes, I understand,” I rush out.

  “Good. Now, let’s begin.”

  Watching him closely, as he walks away from me, I notice how Kendra is sitting in the middle of the room on her knees, completely bare, except for her skimpy thong. How did I miss that? Honestly, I was so focused on Weston, that I hadn’t realized she was even undressing. Her head is down, and her hands are resting on her thighs. How long has she been like that? It doesn’t seem very comfortable on this hardwood floor, but as I stare at her, I realize her chest is rising and falling quickly.

  She’s panting.

  I have to admit the position is beautiful in its own way. Weston approaches her, and Kendra’s fingers start to twitch. I wonder what she’s thinking right now. Is she excited or aroused? I wish I could ask her, but I get the feeling the time for questions are over.

  “I want you to watch Kendra closely. Watch how she obeys my every command without hesitation. Watch how she does everything I tell her to, because she wants to please me.”

  As he touches her with his fingertips on her neck and shoulder, he says, “She knows pleasing me pleases her. I hold the key to her pleasure, and her innermost needs. Only I can give her what she wants. Isn’t that right, kitten?”

  “Yes, sir,” Kendra answers instantly.

  “What do you want to show Trixie first, kitten?”

  “Anything that pleases you, sir.”

  My face flames hearing Kendra’s voice. It’s so full of lust, and the room is starting to fill with sexual tension. I have to cross my legs, because with every caress of Weston’s fingers on Kendra, it’s making me wish I was being touched just like that, too. It’s such a turn on seeing her at his mercy, but I know he’ll do anything to please her.

  Weston said pleasing him pleases her, and I’m seeing that first hand. By just giving him the control, Kendra has pleased him very much so. I know, because I can’t help but notice the bulge in the front of his pants. I also know, because Kendra’s breathing has become erratic, as her chest starts turning red.

  With wide eyes, I watch, as Weston grabs a handful of Kendra’s hair and pulls. It makes her tilt her head back, but she never looks at him. Her eyes are still downcast, as Weston places his other hand around her throat. Hearing her moan, I open my mouth to suck in more air.

  Fuck. This is hot.

  Clenching my legs tighter, I keep my eyes on them, as Weston kisses her deeply. Kendra doesn’t move, and I’m surprised she’s able to keep her position, as he kisses her harder and harder. When he pulls away, her lips are swollen and red.

  “Look at me,” he commands her, and she instantly does so.

  He caresses her face lovingly, and it’s clear how much they love each other. Weston’s hand slowly slides down to her neck, and then he touches the collar around her throat.

  “Why do you wear my collar, kitten?”

  “Because you own me, sir.”

  Wow.

  That right there hits me right in the gut. How amazing would it be to be owned by someone that obviously cares about you? I can’t even imagine what that must feel like, but I realize I’d like to find out. I would like to know how it feels for someone to control my body, like Weston does Kendra. I would also like to know what it feels like to have someone like Weston.

  Do I
want someone to control me?

  Do I want a Dominant?

  “That’s right, kitten. I own every single inch of you. You’re mine.”

  I shiver, hearing those words of ownership. It’s not degrading, like one would think. No, it’s endearing, and it’s powerful, seeing it for myself. I can feel it, rolling off in waves, as Kendra’s blue eyes hold Weston’s gaze. They understand each other on a level I’ll never understand, but I promise, I will find out. I want to experience this for myself with someone that’ll understand me, too.

  I watch with wide eyes every single time Weston demands Kendra to do something he wants. Each and every time those demands leave his mouth, my body hums, as if he’s speaking to me, too. It’s hard to stay in my seat and be still. My pussy is wet and throbbing, and it’s starting to become too much. Especially, as Kendra lays on the side of the bed on her stomach, with her hands tied behind her back, as Weston spanks her. Her loud moans mixed with the smacks on her ass are like a beautiful symphony. It’s also hard not to think about me being the one in Kendra’s position, getting spanked. What would that burn feel like? Would I like it, or crave it even?

  Just as I start to leave the room to get some air, I’m suddenly pushed back down in the chair. Jerking my head to the side, Sebastian stands beside me, holding onto my shoulder. I don’t know when he entered the room, but I find that I don’t care. I’m just glad he’s here.

  Letting myself relax, I will my stomach to stop doing flips. I wish my racing heart would slow down, because I fear I might pass out. Between the thick sexual tensions in the room, combined with my arousal, it’s hard to focus for a moment.

  Sebastian’s hand never moves, as he steps behind me. Feeling him at my ear, I sit up straighter, wondering what he’s doing. “Watch them.”

  Jerking my head straight, I catch Weston spank Kendra hard, and the sound is deafening. She cries out, but it’s not in pain. The sound of her moans growing louder and hoarse, let me know she’s very much enjoying herself.

  “Do you see the way her body craves his hands on her? Do you wish it were you, instead of Kendra? Do you want to be her, right now?” I slowly nod, but Sebastian isn’t happy with that.

  With a pull of my hair, I know he wants me to answer him vocally. “Yes.”

  “Address me properly, Trixie.”

  Fuck. That voice. My core clenches, as wetness soaks through my panties. “Yes, sir.”

  “Good girl,” he praises, and I close my eyes, as a rush of pleasure rises throughout my entire body.

  Now, I understand exactly what Weston meant.

  As Weston caresses Kendra’s red ass, Sebastian traces his fingers across my upper back, and then to my neck. When he reaches the side of my neck, I tilt my head, giving him access to continue.

  “Watch her, learn from her, and then maybe someday soon, you can find out what it means to be a submissive.”

  My hands clench hard against the chair, as his words repeat in my mind. He doesn’t give me a chance to ask what he means by that. Instead, he touches me with a finger on my cheek, before leaving me completely. Knowing he’s leaving, I turn, watching him walk away.

  I want to ask him to stay.

  I want to beg him to touch me again.

  I want to fall to my knees for him.

  But I don’t.

  I stay right where I am, turning back to the scene in front of me. I do exactly what Sebastian said. I watch, I learn, and I commit every single action Kendra does to memory, because I want to know what it’ll be like to be in her shoes.

  I want to know what it’s like to be Sebastian’s submissive.

  Standing in my small kitchen, I hold onto my cup of coffee with both hands. It warms me, and it’s not only from the outside. After last night at Sensuality, I didn’t get much sleep. I stayed just as Sebastian told me, and once I got home, I masturbated, thinking about everything I witnessed. I also don’t feel ashamed of anything I saw, or how I felt.

  The conundrum is that I want to do it again.

  Not only did I like it, but it actually made me feel something I haven’t felt before. In return, it made me curious to experience it for myself. Even replaying all those hot scenes, while I got off multiple times by myself, I realized it would never be enough. I need the real thing. I need more, so I went online last night and learned even more. I read article after article about what it means to be a Dom or submissive. I found blogs, pictures, and even videos about the life of BDSM. It was so fascinating that I stayed up all night, learning about everything I could.

  Taking the last drink of coffee, I push myself off the counter. Glancing around my small apartment, I sigh, feeling as if I’m right back where I was, before being introduced to the BDSM lifestyle. It’s strange knowing I need that lifestyle now, but at the same time, it makes sense. For a long time, I’ve felt as if something has been missing. I’ve felt as if the hole in my chest is nothing more than my lonely life. Even if I try the whole dating thing, it just isn’t what I really need.

  Sensuality is the key I require to make the void disappear completely.

  The only problem now is finding the right person to help me along. I know I have a lot more to learn, especially how to be the perfect submissive. I also know it’ll be stupid to jump right in, when there is a lot I still don’t understand. The first step is going back to Sensuality. Whether by myself or with Kendra and her husband, that club is my first stop.

  Since it was guest night last night, I should find out what I need to do to become a member. Walking quickly back to my room, I find my phone, laying on the night stand. Pulling up Kendra’s number, I quickly send her a text. It’s our day off, so I figure meeting in person will be the best way to go about this.

  Kendra has become my lifeline to the world of never-ending pleasure.

  It’s like a drug.

  Even with my first taste last night, I know once I submerge myself with this new lifestyle, it’ll become yet another addiction I don’t want to quit.

  When my phone pings with a message, I grin, knowing I’m on my way to fulfilling every single thing I’ve ever wanted.

  Sitting across from Kendra, at the little Bistro downtown, I watch her closely. She talks adamantly about her and Weston’s plans to build a house outside of the city, but I’m not really listening. All I can do is stare at her collar, wondering when she got it. What did she do to earn it? What does it really mean to wear a Dom’s collar? I know Weston said he owns her, but what does that really mean? I’ve never been owned by anyone before. Does Kendra like knowing she’s owned? The obvious answer is yes. I saw that last night, but I still have so many questions that need answers.

  Darting my gaze away, I pick at my half eaten-pasta. I don’t want to be rude, so I let Kendra continue talking about their new patch of land. She talks about building plans, contractors, and how excited she is on how it’s all coming together.

  “Shit. I’m sorry, Trix.” Meeting her gaze, I frown, and then she says, “I know why you wanted to meet, and I’ve done nothing but talk you to death about boring adult shit.”

  She lets out a laugh, and then shakes her head. “I don’t mind. We’re friends, so you have a free pass to blabber about things like this.”

  Using her fork, she points it at me, “Yeah, but I also know how much you need to learn how to be the person you want to be. We have all the time in the world to talk about such mundane things. We don’t have much time to get you ready to go back to Sensuality.”

  “I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for any of this,” I confess. It’s a bit overwhelming, even if it’s exciting, too. That’s the part I’m having trouble with. It’s hard to focus on how I’m really feeling, since my emotions seem to be all over the place.

  “You know it’s normal to fight against your nature. It’s something I still struggle with.” She sighs, setting down her fork, pushing her empty plate aside. “Society says we have to be this way, and we’re taught to be what our parents deem right. The thing is, som
etimes we have to step out of the box, and do something that no one else will get. They may judge us, but at the end of the day, if this lifestyle is what you want to pursue, then you can’t think about right or wrong. You have to forget about everything you were ever taught, and then go with what your body says. It’s like an instinct. You know that deep ache you feel in your gut?”

  With my nod, she continues, “It’s like a slow building fire, right?” I give her another nod, knowing she’s describing it exactly right. “Well, if you ignore that burn, it’ll get worse. It’ll end up consuming you or worse, leaving you feeling hollow and empty. Honestly Trix, I think you’re almost at the hollow part. The way you described how dancing didn’t give you what you need any more makes me believe you need a Dom more than you realize. I’m not an expert, but I remember all too well how it feels not to have something you desperately crave. It’ll never go away, unless you start doing what you truly want.”

  She stops to suck in a deep breath, before saying, “I want you to really think about this. If you want to learn the life, I’ll show you everything. I should warn you though. Letting yourself become a part of a Dom/sub relationship is hard at times. It’s not easy for everyone, so I would recommend seeing if you can give up control to someone you trust first. If you can do that, then you’ll do fine.”

  I consider her words, letting them roll around in my head for a while. Kendra doesn’t say a word, as I think about everything she said. I think about all the times my mother would control my life, and how much I hated that. Then, I remember how it felt hearing Weston command Kendra, and how much I envied her. I especially enjoyed Sebastian, ordering me to stay put, as if he knew I needed an extra push to do what my body wanted.

  Maybe, I hated what my mother did, because she wasn’t doing it for me. She was ordering me around for her own benefit. Weston demanded things of Kendra, having her needs front and center. Maybe, that’s the key to all this. I need someone to think of me first, to put my needs first, and not try to use me for something else.