Addiction Page 6

  “I have,” he states, taking another drink of champagne.

  “And?”

  Fuck, those green eyes stare at me, as if he’s trying to read my mind. Before he answers me, my strap falls off my shoulder. I begin to fix it, but I stop, as Sebastian reaches a hand towards me. I hold a breath, as his fingers graze my skin ever so softly. He slowly pulls up the strap, putting it back in place.

  But his touch doesn’t stop.

  With my heart hammering in my chest, I watch him, as his fingertips make their way to my collar bone, and then reaching my neck. His gaze is watching his every move, as if he can’t seem to look away. Goosebumps appear all over my body, as my stomach clenches with want. Fuck. Closing my eyes for a moment, I relish his touch, and how much I want those fingers, tracing anywhere he wants to place them. I want to drop to my knees, and silently beg him to do whatever he wants with me.

  With just one touch, I’m willing to give up complete control over my body and give it to him.

  His fingers finally stop, once they reach my chin. Knowing he wants my gaze on him, I give him what he wants, opening my eyes and looking right at him. “Later.”

  With just one word, I remember where we are, and that we’re surrounded by people. Like a bucket of ice-cold water is being poured on me, I step back, nodding, as I do so. Turning away from him, I walk towards the kitchen, placing the glass Sebastian switched on the counter. Reminding myself to breathe, I smile, as I pass by the guests, trying not to run outside.

  Finally making it outside, I stand out on the front porch, wondering how in the hell I let all that happen. Yes, I wanted it, but this is Ava and Viktor’s time. Yet, here I am, getting lost in lust with a man that loves to play me, like a violin.

  Hearing footsteps, I half wonder if it’s Sebastian, coming to talk to me. But it’s Kendra, with an expression that worries me. “Are you alright?”

  Nodding, I ask, “You saw?”

  “It would take a blind man to miss that.”

  Gazing out towards the road, I state, “I lost myself, when he touched me. It’s happened once before, but never in a crowded room.”

  “Can I ask you something?” With my nod, she asks, “Did you like being lost?”

  “Yes,” I answer, without any hesitation.

  Kendra stays quiet, as if she knows I need to say more. “I love every second, when he’s around, but that’s the problem. I only get a small taste, and it’s never enough. He controls that, and I can’t help but wonder, if he’s doing it on purpose. I wonder if this is some sort of game to him.”

  “Honestly,” she starts, placing an arm around my waist. “I think most Dom’s are that way. They like to push our limits and test us to see how far we’re willing to go. It’s their way of learning how to please us. I know it feels like he’s playing mind games, but I can promise you, it’s far from that.”

  “He asked me to wait for him, but I don’t even know what I’m waiting for,” I confess.

  “Hmm, maybe he has some things to work out, before he asks to become your Dom. I wish I could tell you, Trix.”

  “Thanks, Kendra. I really don’t know what I would do, if I didn’t have you.”

  “I’m always here for you,” she says, giving me a tight squeeze.

  “I guess we should go back inside. I’m having a craving for more champagne.”

  Kendra gladly agrees, and I follow her, as we make our way to the glasses of champagne. Ella happily pours us glass after glass, and suddenly, I really don’t care anything about Sebastian Matvei.

  Walking up the stairs to my apartment, I try to ignore the man behind me. It’s hard, especially since he drove me home. Kendra and I had a bit too much to drink, so driving was out of the question. Sebastian offered to take me home, and I probably should’ve refused.

  But I was desperate for some alone time with him.

  So, I agreed, and now, I wonder if I’ve made a mistake. The drive over was tense and quiet. Honestly, it was a bit uncomfortable, mainly because he seemed like he was angry about something. I didn’t ask, because I’ve come to realize he’ll never answer my questions.

  Reaching the door, I pull out my keys, glancing back to him. “This is me.”

  He stands still as a statue, holding my strappy heels in one hand. Turning back, I open the door, walking in, as I say, “You’re welcome to come in, if you want.”

  I don’t bother looking back at him. Tossing my keys on the coffee table, I make my way towards my small kitchen to the left. Opening the fridge, I grab a bottle of water. The door shuts, and I frown, as I glance over to it. Sebastian’s back is to me, but I hear the loud click of the lock.

  I guess he’s staying then.

  “Do you want something to drink?”

  “Yes.”

  Grabbing another water, I shut the fridge, and then step towards the counter. I open the bottle, and the loud crack of the seal breaking sounds deafening. I never realized how quiet my apartment could be, but now, it’s a little unsettling.

  Watching Sebastian, he tosses my heels by the couch, and he doesn’t even acknowledge me, until he’s standing a few inches in front of me. Handing him the other unopened water, I take a long drink of mine, as I hold his gaze.

  Those green eyes feel like they’re burning me from the inside out, and I have to suck in a deep breath, once I finish drinking. Before I can ask him why he’s still here, he takes my water, replacing it with the unopened one I just gave him.

  Frowning, he takes a drink, as I ask, “Why do you do that?”

  “Do what?” He asks, once he’s quenched his thirst.

  “Why do you always switch our drinks?”

  He shrugs, as if it’s not that big of a deal. It’s not really, but it’s just strange. Not to mention, it makes me wonder how deeply his trust issues run. “It’s one of my many quirks.”

  “Just how many quirks do you have?”

  I’m not surprised, when he doesn’t answer me, but at the same time, it’s grating on my nerves. I start to ask why he even bothered to stay, but I stop. A part of me doesn’t want him to go, mostly because, I’m desperate to be near him.

  And the other part, is afraid of what his answer might be.

  As we stand in my small kitchen, I take in my fill of him, uncaring if he notices. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get this chance again, so I’m committing all of him to memory. Feeling his gaze on me, I ignore it, as my eyes take him in from head, and then down to his shoes.

  Licking my lips, I feel my body coming alive, burning from the inside out. My obsession with Sebastian isn’t something I would say is a good thing, but at the moment, I really don’t care. What I wouldn’t give for him to walk over, and finally dominate me, like I crave.

  I need all he can offer me.

  I need him to dominate me fully and completely.

  But the second my gaze locks with his, my stomach drops, sensing he’s yet again, going to deny me. Those hard, green eyes stare back at me so intently that I have to suck in a deep breath. I know he senses what I want and need from him, but I have no idea why he’s holding back. Why does he continue to make me wait?

  Losing my patience, I swallow hard, dropping my gaze towards my feet. “I need a Dom, Sebastian. I need you to approve my application to the club, so I can get what I need.”

  The silence following my statement is deafening. Keeping my eyes on my feet, I wonder if I just fucked up royally. Did I ruin my only chance to find someone to meet my darkest cravings? Kendra is always reminding me to be open and honest with what I want and need, so I don’t regret telling him what I want. However, I wish I were brave enough to tell him that I don’t want any other Dom.

  I want him.

  I only want him.

  Hearing the water bottle land into the trash, I snap my gaze up, and immediately suck in a breath. Sebastian’s entire body transforms in front of me, and I tense, instantly thinking I’ve done something wrong.

  He doesn’t utter a single word, and instead,
takes two steps forward. I back away from the intensity of the moment, and from his gaze as well. However, the more I retreat, the more he advances. Suddenly, I realize I’m backed into the counter with nowhere else to go, as he stops right in front of me.

  God, those eyes hold mine, and I feel as if I can’t breathe or think straight, and I’m pretty sure my heart forgot how to beat right. Reaching behind me, I grasp the counter, needing something to keep me upright.

  At first, I think his posture and hard gaze means he’s pissed at me, but then, I notice his thumping heartbeat in his neck. I notice his chest rising and falling just as quickly as mine is. Could he be just as ready for this as I am?

  Before I can utter a single word, his hand is around my neck. It’s not to hurt me. No, this is for domination only. His grip isn’t hard, and it’s only to gain my attention. Every instinct inside of me is screaming to look away, but I have a feeling he wants my gaze on his. Fighting against my inner most demands, I hold strong, waiting for what he’ll do next.

  “You’re so fucking impatient, Beatrice.” Frowning, I start to ask how he knows my real name, but he beats me to it. “Yes, I know your real name. Just like I know how you hate it.”

  His hold around my neck tightens, and I can’t stop myself from closing my eyes. Feeling his body move closer, he’s a mere few inches away from my mouth, and I’ve never wanted someone to kiss me, as much as this moment.

  “You just couldn’t wait, could you?”

  “No,” I manage to breathe out.

  His fingers pulse around my neck, and my eyes snap open, as he demands, “Give me the proper respect, Beatrice.”

  “No, sir,” I quickly blurt out.

  “I should punish you for making me lose control,” he harshly says, and I bite my tongue, holding back the urge to beg just for that. “That’s what you want though,” he states, as his other hand suddenly has a fist full of my hair.

  He uses his new grip to tilt my head back, and I can’t stop the moan from slipping from my lips. My hold on the counter tightens, as I resist the urge to touch him, or to pull him to my mouth. Feeling his breath against my cheek, my pussy clenches with want and need. I want him so bad that I don’t know how much more I can hold back. It’s hard to stop myself from just wrapping my arms around his neck, and then beg him to fuck me senseless.

  “I’m going to take whatever I want from you, and you’re going to let me.”

  “Oh, fuck,” I groan out, but instantly regret it, since he completely leaves me. I even sway forward, not expecting him to stop already. Breathing in heavily, anger flows through me, thinking here he is yet again, toying with me.

  But then, he says something I never thought he would.

  “I want you on your knees, Beatrice.”

  Swallowing down a harsh breath, I stand tall, and then walk into the living room. I don’t wait for any other direction from Sebastian, as I drop to my knees, taking the position Kendra has drilled into my mind. With my back straight, I place each hand on my thighs, making sure to keep my head lowered. My gaze stays on my hands, knowing he doesn’t want me to look at him. I’ll admit, I wish I could’ve gotten out of my dress first, since it’s hugging my thighs tightly, but I’ve waited for so long for this, that I really don’t care, if it rips, or that it’s sort of uncomfortable.

  Sensing him behind me, I remind myself to breathe, even if it’s a difficult task. That and the fact that my entire body is full of anticipation. As his fingers finally touch my shoulder, I hold still, waiting for his next command.

  “Kendra is a good teacher. I wondered if she could train you in enough time for what I expect of you.”

  Biting my tongue, I hold back the question wanting to come out. What exactly is he expecting of me?

  “Don’t worry, you’ll find out soon,” he quickly claims, as if he knew what I wanted to ask, and then his touch disappears. “There is one thing we need to discuss, before moving forward.”

  Watching his shoes, he circles around me, and again, I hold back asking any questions. I know from all my lessons with Kendra that I’m not supposed to speak, unless he directly permits me to.

  “I’ve approved your request to join Sensuality. You may visit the club any time you wish. However,” he stops, and I lose track of his feet. He must be behind me now, and that’s confirmed, as his hand grazes down my back. “There is one stipulation, before I do anything more tonight.”

  His hand on my back slowly moves to my arm, and as he raises it, he claims, “You need a Dom, and I need a sub.”

  My mind is oddly quiet, as he speaks, and even more so, as I feel something being placed around my wrist. “The only way we move forward tonight is for you to accept me, as your Dom. I want you to put your trust in me, and then allow me to take you to places you’ve only dreamed about. Let me be the one to show you everything you’ve always wanted.”

  My arm is slowly lowered, and as my hand lays back on my thigh, I see the black and white braided band. It seems strange at how beautiful a simple band can be, but this is something I've wanted for so long.

  “I need an answer, Beatrice. Do you accept my terms?”

  Blinking rapidly, I can’t help but wonder if this is too good to be true. Is this real? Fuck, I’ve been waiting for this moment, since the second my eyes landed on Sebastian, and now, here he is, offering me everything.

  My eyes stay on my new bracelet, and I already know what my answer is, but he hasn’t given me permission to answer him. Do I dare defy him? Clenching my jaw, I refuse to do so, even though I really want to see what’ll happen, if I do.

  A few moments pass, and then, I finally hear the command I need. “You may speak freely.”

  Fuck me.

  The tone of his voice is full of praise, and hearing it sends a completely different kind of rush through me. Even though I had to fight against my baser needs to answer, when he asked, I’m glad I didn’t. The feeling of his pride and approval is something I realize I want more than his domination. Just knowing I did something so simple, to make him proud of me, is intoxicating.

  Sucking in a deep breath, I don’t dare glance up to him, as I say, “I have one request, before I give my answer, sir.”

  A hand is suddenly tracing down my head in a loving and gentle gesture. It’s a little unsettling, since I never expected such tenderness from him. “What is your request?” He barks out, but I know he’s glad I said what I did.

  It’s in the way he’s still caressing me, showing me how proud he is. Even if his tone of voice is hard and commanding, I sense what he’s really feeling. I’m starting to realize that pride and approval is something he shows freely.

  I wonder how it would go, if I did something to disappoint him?

  Focusing on the question at hand, I swallow, as I state, “I prefer not to be called Beatrice again.”

  “Stand up,” he demands, and I quickly do so.

  It’s sort of difficult, since for one, my legs have started to go to sleep, so now, they’re tingling. Not to mention, this dress makes it hard to move fast, but I somehow manage it without falling on my face.

  Still keeping my head down, I stare at my bare feet. Feeling a finger under my chin, Sebastian raises my head, but I still refuse to meet his gaze. “Look at me.”

  God, he’s confusing me, but I do it, because he demands it. As my eyes land on his, I have to remind myself to breathe. Those green eyes are so full of want and pride. My stomach takes a dive, as my pussy clenches, knowing how much I’ve pleased him.

  “Tell me why you hate your given name.”

  This seems a bit off course, but again, I do, as I’m told. “My mother only calls me by that name, and she uses it, as a way to remind me of how much of a disappointment I am to her.” Granted, I don’t go into full details, but I get the feeling he doesn’t want to know the full story. We’d be here all night if I did that.

  Understanding is suddenly laced in his gaze, and my heart pounds, sensing he gets what I mean without telling me so
. “Done. If there is anything else, tell me now.”

  “No, sir. I accept your terms,” I instantly rush out.

  The side of his mouth twitches, and dare I say, he’s trying to hold back a grin? Before I can think about that anymore, he claims, “Good. Now, take off the dress.” I hesitate, only for a moment, but it’s enough for him to notice. “Now, Trixie. I won’t tell you again.”

  Hearing the warning in his voice, I drop my gaze, as I reach behind me, unzipping the dress. The silky material slowly falls down, pooling at my feet, as my body breaks out in goosebumps, feeling his gaze on me. Since the dress had a built-in bra, I’m standing before him in only a black thong.

  It’s hard not to cover myself, which seems stupid. I dance in front of half drunken men a lot, but for some reason, it’s different now. I have a feeling it’s because it’s him. This moment between us is way more intimate than just stripping for clients. This isn’t a job, either. As much as I want to deny it, this means so much more to me. His approval means so much more than taking my clothes off for strangers.

  And I wish I could look up to see his expression, as he gazes at my naked body. Do his green eyes linger with want and hunger, or lust and desire? Maybe, a combination of all four. Either way, I know it has to be full of something. I can feel his gaze, as if it’s tenderly caressing every single part of me. That and the fact that I’m tracking his feet again. My breathing is the only thing I notice, and the sound of my heart, pounding in my ears. What is he waiting for? The anticipation is killing me, and as I wait longer and longer, my heart pounds harder and harder.

  When he stops in front of me, I remind myself to breathe and to keep my gaze down. In all the times I was learning how to be submissive with Kendra, I never once thought all this would come naturally. Somehow, I know to keep my eyes down, and I know to stand still, yet tall for him.

  I just know.

  The urge to disobey those instincts are strong, but I want to feel that rush of pleasing him again. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before, and I’m curious to find out what else he can show me. He did promise he would do so, and I just have to be patient. But the longer he stands before me, not uttering a single word, the more my stomach knots up.